Combinations
by Covetedoutcomes
Summary: A Degrassi/Time Travelers Wife crossover with Clare and Eli as the protagonists. Eli is a time traveler who without warning comes and goes through time. After falling in love with Clare and having an irreversible impact on her life, how will the two stay together? Can their love withstand the trials and tribulations of being apart? Rating may change with time. [temporary hiatus]
1. Where, When, With Who

I felt the blankets twisting around my legs uncomfortably, knotting and bunching as I tried in vain to sleep. The sun was already coming up, just peeking over the tall trees outside my house.

It's difficult, falling asleep after seeing him. Especially when I know this is the last time I'll see him again for an undetermined amount of time. When I asked him for details about when the next time would be or how, he just shook his head, refusing to divulge any details on the matter. There I was, crying my eyes out, my cheeks beat red and my nose stuffy, and all he could do was give me a gentle smile and kiss my forehead.

I wanted to beat him senseless. Get through that thick skull of his and weed out the information. The how, the when, the why, the where. But they were locked inside that brain of his, and he wasn't about to tell me.

"Knowing things ahead of time isn't good, Clarebelle." he told me for what felt like the billionth time. "It can really mess with your head, believe me." His look was stern yet soft, and I could see that he truly had only my best interests at heart. But his opinion of my best interests and my opinion were two entirely different things.

"You don't get to do this!" I yelled at him, pounding my fist against his chest. He flinched, but wouldn't back down on his refusal. "You don't get to just come into my life and change me, and then leave without telling me when you'll be back!" I could see the creases in his forehead deepening at my words, signs of his age truly showing through when he got concerned.

It was hard to believe that I'd ever know a younger Eli. I was used to the lines painting his face, the small belly he'd acquired, and the broad shoulders that have surely come with time and effort. He told me he wasn't always like this; that he used to be a somewhat scrawny and skinny guy who never wore anything but black and wore eyeliner. The mental image was preposterous, and I generally refused to believe it. The Eli I knew was strong, steadfast, sarcastic, and caring. Always caring. Kind to a fault. He was exactly what I wanted, and he was leaving.

"I told you, I promise you'll see me again. I'd know, I've been there." he tried to joke, but his promise didn't placate me. I tried to keep my cool, but soon my collected demeanor dissolved, leaving behind a mess of tears. My own emotionally inclined nature reared it's ugly head once again even though I tried my hardest to keep it under wraps.

"I can't know that for sure!" I whimpered, letting down my guard as he wrapped his arms around my torso, pulling me closer to him. He was always so warm, even though he could have come from a blizzard for all I knew. Lately Eli wouldn't tell me where he was traveling from, and it always made nervous. It was bad enough that I wasn't sure if I was in his past and he in my future, but on top of that I wondered what was going on when he came to me. He was so secretive, so protective. I had a love/hate relationship with those qualities.

Tucking his fingers under my chin, he tugged my head up and looked me in the eyes. The green of his irises drew me in, breaking down my resolve to look away and rub the tears off my face. He held me there for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line. "I don't think you realize just how much you're going to help me, when the time comes." he whispered. My eyes traveled down for just a moment as he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. "You_save me_, Clare. You save me just when I need you most. And I didn't know it at the time, it's only something I realized in retrospect." I felt the air leave my lungs as I tried to soak the information in. He's never told me something like this before, never.

Still, my concerns weren't entirely erased, my curiosity nowhere near quelled. "But, where, Eli? Where? With who? When? Just tell me when?" I begged, hoping he would finally break down and give me a small answer. Anything.

Instead he smirked at me, chuckling to himself, and I knew there was no hope. "My impatient little Clarebelle." he chided, lifting my lips to his. I sighed into the kiss, knowing it would be a long while before I received another. "I can't tell you, but when it happens, you need to promise me something." he said, his tone growing serious.

My eyes widened, nodding my head eagerly.

"You'll be patient." he said simply, and I knew my expression twisted into one of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to know you. I'll have no idea who you are, and I'm going to be going through a lot." he explained, holding my eyes to his effortlessly. "Just, don't give up on me, okay?" He looked so worried, so scared that I'd somehow forget his plea. As if I could.

"I'll never give up on you, I promise, Eli." I replied, shaking my head as more tears poured down my cheeks. "I'm here, I'm yours. Wherever, _whenever, _you are. I'm all yours." I promised, my voice cracking and shaking. "I'm all in, every last bit of me."

The tension in his stare softened at that. He looked as if a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As if he'd been worrying about that since he'd met me, nearly ten years ago now. At least ten years for me. "Thank you." he breathed, a few tears escaping his own eyes.

A loud sob left me as I tucked my head into his chest, breathing heavily as I tried to get enough air in. But there was no air. There was nothing with him. Eli had become my world, and there was nothing I could do about it. And now all I could do was wait; becoming a victim to my own destiny. But he was worth it, that much I was sure of.

"You're so beautiful." he mumbled, his dark locks falling in his eyes. I pushed them out of the way gently, nuzzling my nose against his. I couldn't say a thing. Language and normal thought was lost on me. He was here, but soon he would leave without warning. And I couldn't go with him.

And then it was happening. His body slowly but surely was becoming less tangible. It started at his feet; his body dissolving and turning into nothing just as seamlessly as it had materialized two hours before. Two hours, that was it. My Eli had existed for two more hours before I'd lose him for what felt like forever, and I had no choice but let it happen.

I cried harder, my vision blurring as I stared at him. But he was smiling widely at me, as if he was just getting here instead of leaving. "Be good, Clare. Don't miss me too much." he whispered, his torso becoming nothing but air.

_No, no, no, no_, my mind screamed, but I couldn't say a thing. My hands were soon gripping the air as the nothingness took over his shoulders, until he was a floating head. "I love you, see you soon." was the last thing he said before the clothes he was wearing dropped to the ground, making it look like he'd never existed to begin with.

I dropped to my knees, clutching the clothes to my body. They were still warm. That was the only thing that made me hold onto the small shred of him I had. So often I'd wondered if I was losing my mind. If I'd dreamed Eli up. But every time I hold those warm clothes to me, I know it has to be real. I know Eli is somewhere in the world, even if he only comes to me once in a while.

Wiping my eyes against the button-up shirt of my father's that he borrowed, I got back up to my feet, trudging off into my house.

And now as I'm lying in bed, unable to shake this fit of nerves, I'm feeling his absence more potently than ever before. The burden is heavier tonight, the reality that much harder to swallow.

The only thing keeping my holding on is the hope that one day he'll keep me company in bed, reading a story to me or talking about his writing as I fall asleep. I have no choice but to wait, and wait I shall.


	2. Tangibility

It was the one thing I coveted the most: the simplicity of lying in bed beside Clare, her curls a vicious mess, attacking my face every time she moved in front of me. She'd have the blankets all to herself, letting them ensnare her pale and smooth legs in the fabric.

She'd let out small, even breaths, interrupted by a loud and emphatic one every once in a while, alerting me that she'd fallen into a deep slumber. I'd noticed lately that sometimes it was difficult for her to pass out, unsure of where I would be once she woke up. It's not like I could blame her, but the way she would stir in her sleep was unsettling to me. It was as if she was stuck a nightmare; her legs jumping and twisting a bit, eager to wake herself from the unconscious anxiety.

And I knew I was the reason for her restless sleep. Sometimes when she woke up, she'd turn around in a hurry, her eyes searching for mine, clutching my body to hers as she realized I was in fact there. My disorder hadn't stolen me away from her. Not yet, at least. A small but relief-driven sigh would escape her, and I'd pull her closer to me, just as grateful for the here and now as she was, if not more so.

She had her own reasons for her fears, but mine was born of complete dread and anxiety. One of the things I hated the most about traveling was that I never knew when or where I'd end up. Cold, wet, freezing in the sewers in the winter of 1973, lying face down in the subway four years ago, on Clare's birthday, or in my own bathroom near the sink two weeks ago. There was no rhyme or reason to it, besides the fact that the bigger events had a tendency of grasping me more so than the smaller ones. The things that had had the biggest impact in my life generally had a way of coming back to haunt me. Julia's death, Cece's death, Clare's unexpected entrance into my life. It was a bittersweet mixture of haunts that never failed to leave me feeling numb. It didn't matter how many times I replayed the traumatizing events. There was never any pausing, rewinding, editing, and then playing the edited version. It was repeat, rewind, repeat. Endlessly watching my mistakes play out before me with terrifying clarity.

Rolling over onto my side, I let the restlessness settle into me, reaching over to the nightstand to grab my pills. The pills made a clicking sound against the sides of the plastic vial, a result of my shaking hand. I was at least two hours late on my pill, and I knew if I didn't take it soon, I'd definitely travel out. I could feel myself already becoming less tangible as I turned back to Clare, swallowing the chalky pill. It felt like a tiny dagger going down, my mouth entirely dry and parched. Considering wandering downstairs to get a drink, I readied myself to get up when I felt a pair of hands on my arm.

She tugged on me, urging me to get closer to her. Without hesitation, I obliged her, coiling my arm around her tiny frame as she tucked her head beneath my chin. "You're here." she told me, as if I wasn't sure I was. Which, to be honest, half the time I truly wasn't sure. Unless she was touching me somehow. Clare was the only thing that felt real enough that I could grasp.

"I am." was the only way I could reply, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

She yawned, her voice squeaky and endearing as she stretched a bit, putting her body weight lazily onto me. "Can we go to the library today? Together? There's something there that I want to check out." she murmured, her voice heavy with sleep.

Pushing a curl out of her face, I nodded, then realizing she couldn't see me from where she was laying. "Yes." I replied, my hand going from her hair to her back, trailing up and down her spine. My actions elicited a chill or something similar from her, as I felt her body shiver against mine, beneath my touch. I was still amazed that my movements could garner such a reaction from her. That I was worthy at all. "In an hour or so, we'll head out."

I could feel her mouth curl into a smile against my chest, pushing herself closer to me. "Fine by me, but I require a bit more of these cuddles before we set out." she mumbled, tiredness heavy in her tone. As she smiled, I could see her dimples clearly, lit up by the light pouring through the windows. Every last bit of her was oozing with this indescribable, precious quality. It made me believe in every cliche known to man, filling me with a certainty that even something as intangible as love and affection could be held, morphed, and contained within two people. Two halves that could inevitably become whole, should they feel inclined to do so.

Just as my mind wandered onto the topic of tangibility, or lack thereof, I could feel my chest growing lighter and lighter, until I could see myself disappearing from the center out. Looking to Clare, I could see that familiar and always heart breaking look on her face, accepting that I would in fact be leaving her. For how long, neither of us knew.

At times, I left quickly, so fast that you might miss it if you blinked. Those I could handle, since I had so little time to react. But the times when I slowly, tortuously dissipated into nothing, those ones killed me, and absolutely murdered Clare. As my feet dissolved into the air, I could see moisture filling her eyes. I tried to lift my hand to wipe her face, but realized I lacked those, already having fallen victim to my bizarre and cruel disorder. "Do me a favor. Return my Bukowski book, it's overdue, alright?" I mumbled, until I was gone, fading, flying as if in sleep, then crashing down in a grass field.

Tasting dirt in my mouth, I sat up, spitting and then immediately checking my surroundings. It felt like the summer, and nothing seemed amiss in my surroundings. Not yet, at least. I'd come to realize these things could change at a moment's notice. As I surveyed the area more carefully, I recognized it as the backyard of Clare's home, near the shed. Quickly running over to the box she'd stashed for me, I found a pair of grey slacks and a button up white shirt. "No boxers." I noted, realizing Clare must be around eight or nine, since she's yet to include that in the batch. Right after I slipped the clothes on, I could hear a little, almost cherubic voice calling my name.

And there she was. Tiny Clare. All blonde curls and smiles. The most adorable girl I'd ever known.

I couldn't help but hug her back as she embraced me, wishing she could know somehow just how deeply I cared for her.

But I knew we had all the time in the world before us.


	3. Here Comes Your Man

My feet slapped noisily against the wet pavement, trudging down the expanse of land from Alli's car to the front entrance of the school. "Clare!" I heard her hiss, shuffling to catch up, her school books above her head as she caught up to me.

"Alli, it's pouring!" I exclaimed, laughing lightly as I shuffled out of the wet air and over to the doors, pulling them open so we could both enter.

"If I get soaked, you get soaked, that's the deal, missy." she retorted, sticking out her tongue at me in jest. We walked down the hall, shaking off our coats and books as we wandered into our first class; English.

"You know we have a guest speaker today, right?" she inquired, my face lighting up with recognition after pondering it for a second.

"I'd actually forgotten about it, but that helps, since I didn't finish my assignment by accident last night. Got caught up in reading." I admitted, cringing just slightly at my lack of attention. It wasn't like me, but I ended up getting absorbed in this novel. I couldn't quite place why at the time, but the protagonist reminded me of Eli. Rough around the edges, sarcastic, never without a word or ten of commentary. It made me miss him more than I have within the past six months, wistful for our time together. Lately I'd been working towards preoccupying myself, filling up the gaps of time with school, the newspaper, reading, or homework. Anything to keep my mind off of him. It felt as if we'd gone through a bitter and estranged break up. Nothing eased the sense of loss, and I knew nothing would until we met up again.

My words earned a loud scoff from Alli as we reached the classroom, both walking in and taking our desks that were adjacent to each other. "I cannot believe you missed an assignment, but for a book? That I can believe, you nerd." I shot her a mock glare, knowing just as well as she did that she was just as big a nerd, only in science instead of literature.

The classroom started filling up as I grabbed my notebook from my bag, opening to a fresh page. With a click of my pen, I wrote down the date, finding nothing noteworthy about the look of it. It's not an Eli day. It seemed life was doomed and destined to go on with or without him, as I'd been telling myself to get more accustomed to with each passing day. Three years. Three years without seeing his body materialize before my eyes, watching him scramble for clothes in a hurry. Three years without his editing skills, looking over my grade seven papers and correcting them as if I was ready to enter college. If nothing else, Eli had strengthened my literary and note-taking skills unbelievably, ensuring that I was always five steps ahead of my class. Without him, I found that I'd started slowing down to their pace, becoming used to the slowness of each lesson.

Nothing was the same without him, this much I'd come to realize.

My time to dwell on his absence was cut short as Ms. Dawes walked in. "Alright, excited learners of this classroom, settle down." she called out. Alli rolled her eyes in my direction, and I simply smiled and shook my head at her. It was obvious that she wasn't fond of Ms. Dawes' teaching techniques, but I was crazy about her. She was kind, patient, always willing to go off on a tangent to elaborate on a topic. Alli generally described her as "flaky", but a part of me preferred that. My home life was uptight enough as it was. Having a relaxing class at the beginning of everyday was a reprieve.

"So now, we're just waiting for our guest speaker for today to show up. As usual, he' late." she mumbled, smiling to herself and glancing at the clock. "This speaker today is one of my oldest and most beloved students. I had him about three years ago, and he's gone on to be a freelance writer in this area. I think he'll be an inspiration to all of you. He's overcome some great obstacles in his life." She kept looking at the clock, fixed on it almost, until someone came rushing through the door.

"I'm so sorry for being late. Bad traffic. You understand." the man said to her, and she nodded understandingly, quite obviously thrilled to see him.

"Everyone, our guest speaker today is named Eli Goldsworthy. Let's give him a warm welcome." As everyone began clapping, the man turned around and I swear on everything reasonable and true in this world that my heart stopped. Those eyes, the black hair, the way his lips curled up into a lopsided half smirk. It was all him. But he was so much younger. So youthful.

So much like my Eli.

"Hey, so uh, I've known Ms. Dawes for quite some time now. Had her myself. She's a magnificent teacher, so you all better be treating her right." he joked, earning a few laughs from the class. But I couldn't do anything. I could swear I wasn't blinking. He caught my eye once, perhaps because I was staring at him so intently, but there was no recognition in his eyes.

_"I'm not going to know you. I'll have no idea who you are, and I'm going to be going through a lot." _That was what he last said to me.

His eyes had noticeable bags beneath them, his hair a bit disheveled and off in places. His shirt was buttoned up properly, but wrinkled in spots, his pants crumpled at the bottom.

He must have time traveled before getting here. That was why he was late.

And Ms. Dawes knows. That's why she was so nervous and anxious as she waited for him to arrive. Suddenly this was all fitting into place, but I didn't belong in anything. I wasn't apart of the equation that is his life yet.

But this was my chance to make my place.

I tried to listen through his lecture, but mostly just caught the somewhat backhanded comments about his accomplishments, and the sarcasm he mixed in with each of his anecdotes. Even at this age, Eli is quite the character. Always a charmer. A number of the girls in the class took notice of this as well, making me feel bitter even though I logically had no right. He wasn't mine. It killed me to think about.

"Time for questions guys? Anything you're wondering about before Mr. Goldsworthy heads off?" My hand shot up as if there was a spring propelling it. I almost felt guilty for how eager I seemed. "How old are you?" I asked, my tone of voice perhaps just a bit too high.

His head jerked to attention, eyeing me a bit in that way he usually does, or did, when I said something that made him think. I felt a small wave of triumph pass over me at the look, even though I knew I meant nothing to him. Not yet.

"Depends on why you're asking. I think I'm a bit too old for you." he joked, shooting me that smug, all-knowing smirk.

_If only you knew._

"Twenty two, though. I'm twenty two." he answered, smiling at me.

The rest of the class continued asking questions, most of them surrounding how he got published, and what inspired him.

"Opposition." he replied, answering it as if they were asking his name. The reply was on the tip of his tongue, at the ready. I couldn't help but be intrigued, because when I asked him that a few years ago, he answered, "You." It amazed me, how much could change over time. It almost made me doubt that I would ever make an impact on him at all.

As the class ended, everyone filed out, and Eli turned to Ms. Dawes, both of them chatting quietly. This was it. I couldn't chance missing this. I wandered up to him, and he turned his body to face me.

He was so much taller than me. Every line on his face that I came to be familiar with was gone. Everything was smooth, firm, and so awfully young. It took everything in me not to touch him.

"Eli?" I asked, then realizing I shouldn't sound so familiar with him. "Uh, I mean, Mr. Goldsworthy?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Yes?" he asked, taking a long, concentrated look at me. "Your eyes, they're fascinating." he mumbled, his face scrunching together a bit, scrutinizing them.

I blushed immediately, a rush of exhalation flowing through me at Eli's familiar compliment. He didn't know I was used to hearing it, as this was the first time he'd uttered it. But not the last, not by a landslide.

"I uh, I'm looking to be a freelance writer as well." I lied, hoping he wouldn't see through my ruse. "Would you be able to look over my work sometime? If you're not too busy?" I knew my request was a stretch, me being seventeen, asking a twenty five year old to check out my work. It was pitiful, at best.

Maybe it was something in my stare, but it seemed to dawn on him; that although he didn't know me, I knew him. We stayed there, staring at each other for a moment until Ms. Dawes cleared her throat. "I can say with full confidence that Clare is the most talented student in all of my classes this year. The brightest since you." she added, giving Eli an encouraging nod.

Turning back to me, he smiled. "Fine. I'll give your work a read." he replied, still analyzing me as we stood together. "Your name is what again? Clare?"

"Yes, Clare Edwards." I replied, a bit too quickly. Behind him, I could see a trace of something fall across Ms. Dawes' features. It was as if she was watching one of her favorite movies, or reading her favorite part in a book. I couldn't quiet figure it out.

"Well, Clare. It's great to make your acquaintance. Where would you like to meet for this reading?"

"We could go to the Dot." I suggested.

"Oh, that annoying, -" he started

"lame excuse for a teenage hangout spot. I know, but it's simple and right in the area." I finished, clamping my hand over my mouth as I realized I'd quoted him. He'd said it a million times before, and I couldn't help but finish his sentence. My face turned bloody red. I felt like running, knowing I ruined it all.

But instead of getting awkward, he laughed. He laughed boisterously, as he always did when he was amused with something I said. "Seems like you know me already." he joked, though I could tell there was a bit of honesty beneath his phrase of jest.

_You do. _

"Seems like it." I said meekly, nodding my head. "So, 5 pm, the Dot?"

"Absolutely. I'll be there." He nodded to me, and I knew he would keep his word. Eli always did.

Turning on my heels, I left the room, looking back once more to find that Eli's stare was still lingering on mine. I skipped to my next class, literally full of joy and excitement.

This was the beginning of everything.


End file.
